Greetings Avid Readers…
I would like to take this opportunity to address a grave issue that often goes over looked in today’s political climate.
No, it’s not the issue of terrorism. Not abortion. Not Same-Sex marriages. Not the state of the economy. No, this issue is much more troubling than anything this country is prepared to face.

My friends, I speak of the forthcoming Zombie Apocalypse. Or… for those of you who like to nitpick, I should call it the Undead Apocalypse because the term ‘zombie’ doesn’t fit the stereotypical Hollywood flesh eater. But petty titles aside, a flesh eater is still a flesh eater.

This is a topic that I often think about. The forth coming Apocalypse of the Dead is inevitable, that I have no doubt about… in fact; I’ve never been so sure of something my whole life (why yes, I did just quote Walter from ‘The Big Lebowski’). My only concern is whether or not I will live to see it, and hopefully, live through it. Because, let’s face it… I would be excited. Enough of this day to day monotony and the hordes of metaphorical Zombies going to and fro with senseless apathy, I am tired of it all. Let’s throw some flesh eaters into the mix and see what happens!

I know that most people would be terrified and at a loss for what to do. But those people who scoffed at the warnings will be saved by those of us who have seen the signs and planned. We are the ones who have seen every movie about the Undead, from ‘Zombie’ to all the George A. Romero films. From the laughable ‘Children of the Dead’ to the remake of ‘Dawn of the Dead’, we took mental notes and learned from the mistakes of those unfortunate. Needless to say, life has benefited greatly from the prophets of film.

You learn to look at things in a different light.
Instead of looking at a golf club for its ability to drive a ball down the fairway, you think about the maximum velocity of the swing and impact it can make on the head… then you decide that, although useful, the golf club doesn’t provide the adequate and consistent stopping power of say, a baseball bat or cricket bat.
- The best weapons for defending from a flesh eater invasion are often the ones right at hand. Sure, guns are the obvious choice for truly keeping flesh eaters at bay, but who carries fully automatic rifles or SMGs on their person at all times? For those caught on the fly, blunt force trauma is the way to go.
The best standards for said weapons are…
-Long Reach- the further away from a would be Eater of Your Flesh, the better, but do not use a weapon that is so long that it takes more energy to swing it than you can muster. At best, you want your arm length doubled.
- Hard- Pool Noodles are long and easy to swing, but don’t deliver the skull shattering blow that is needed to fell a flesh eater. You need something that is hard enough to give a crushing blow… but again, do not sacrifice. A steel rod is both lengthy and solid enough to do the job, but at the expense of weight. This is why a baseball bat is ideal.
-Sturdy- Golf clubs can do the job, but their puny shafts will begin to wear down after only a few swings. Wooden bats are exceptional, but can snap in two at a critical moment, leaving you with one end that is good for an impaling or two. Metal bats are very ideal… they are long enough, light enough, and hard enough.
-Replaceable- Hey, accidents happen, live with it. But just because they happen, doesn’t mean you should give up and let your former mailman eat your liver. Like I said, the best weapons are often the ones right at hand. You get cornered in a stretch of woods? Pick up a large stick or limb and have at it. You get stranded in a butcher’s deli, grab a meat cleaver. It pays to be resourceful.

The next thing you have to look for is… adequate housing. Let’s face it… the everyday housing was not built with the forthcoming Day of Flesh Eater Reckoning in mind. So many windows on the ground level, walls and doors as thin as material board, crawl spaces, so many things to go wrong.
When on the run from the flesh eating pack of Cub Scouts and looking for your Fortress of Solitude keep in mind a few details.
- Few if any windows on the ground level.
- One exit/entrance that can be easily protected from flesh eater intruders with an emergency exit that is sturdy and only accessible from your side.
- Abundant source of power and food.
- Large area to display a visual S.O.S. in the event that the government has a plan for the threat of the pending Day the Dead Rise Again.

In my time at Walmart, I determined that in the event of the coming Flesh Eater Day, my first notion would be to head to that kind of large supermarket. It’s large and it’s got food, weapons and ammunition, one to two exits that can easily be monitored/seal. Any other doors would be an inch and a half of metal only accessible from the inside or the large garage doors on the receiving bays.
The only risk you run is the possible infestation of flesh eaters already… but with determination, a good swinging arm or aim, and a thorough sweep through the store, your Fortress of Solitude will be impenetrable. But, do not get selfish… post signs for would be survivors to follow and hold up in your Castle. Many hands make light work and the selfish asshole usually dies in the worst ways in the movie.
Who said that big businesses like Walmart can’t help out?

Yes indeed.
A Zombie Apocalypse is at hand, and I, along with countless hundreds, eagerly await news of the first attack.
We, the scoffed at and rejected, will rise from the shadows of our dark apartments and basements to hold off the flesh eaters while the grateful one timer nay Sayers run to safety. We do this because we know that a living person eating a ration of our food reserves is better than a dead person eating a portion of our thigh.

*sigh*
…
And that my friends, is the result of a insomnia induced daze where you are neither awake or asleep and your dreams become malleable like play-doh. I dreamed about being caught in the Apocalypse of Zombies while I was at Grandma’s tanning salon back in Muncie… eh, it’s not the best place to be with zombies coming for you, but we held out until Frank Zappa began to sing ‘Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?’ … which means that someone was calling and that song is my ring tone… I Rock. That Much.

If you’ve made it this far… do you care to read any updates on my life?
Excellent!

I’ve been here in Indy all week. Having washed my hands of Wal-Mart and chosen to focus my efforts on doing my best to find a job here. So far, I’ve applied to a good handful of places and have had interviews at Staples here down the road on 86th St. and Best Buy in Castleton. No word back from either of them.
I have yet to apply to the fast food chains, trying my best to avoid them at all means and use them only as a last resort. Although, as time passes and things begin to look dim, I will have to make do with them.

In the time I am not wandering around this area, I am here in my apartment.
I’ve actually been pretty productive…
Have been painting the Starman logo that is used by the amazing rock trio RUSH! If you aren’t familiar with the logo or, Heaven forbid, the band… … … I’m sorry. Google the name, listen to the songs, bask in the glory on Canada’s greatest achievement.
Anyway… years ago, at Centennial (a house owned by Josh’s grandparents in Muncie on the street the house is named for) we stumbled across an old painting of a man standing in front of a star with a circle around it. Someone made a crack about there being a devil worshipper around, but I squealed with utter delight and said ‘It’s the Starman!’ Turns out, Josh’s dad painted it a while ago and left in the house, where it started to mold and what not… since it was just sitting there, Josh offered it to me. Since then, I’ve wrapped in protective cellophane to prevent further molding or the spread of mold. Now it sits against the wall, to my left where I can look at it while I paint my own version of the Starman.
Pictures will follow its completion.

Secondly, I’ve been mapping out a short story. It came as a simple idea that came about suddenly. I’m not exactly sure what I was doing when it struck me, either listening to System of a Down and painting, or listening to a movie and painting… but it soon grew into a rather thought provoking short story idea or possible screen play.
I’ll give you all a taste once I get it fleshed out a little more today.

Thirdly, I’ve been going through some of my old projects and assignments, tweaking a few details here and there to make them more of a portfolio worthy piece. Once I come across an adequate source of income, I will need to print out the updated works on the best materials.

Fourthly, I finally managed to beat Sonic and Knuckles for the Sega Genesis. I’ve beat it before, years ago, but I’ve never completed it by getting all the Chaos Emeralds. Of course, any this only make sense for those who have played a Sonic the Hedgehog game. S and K is my favorite of the whole series.

Now… I’ve only been sitting in my apartment playing games and watching movies because I’ve recently come to the conclusion that… I’ve got no friends here in Indy. At least, not in the sense of having someone to go hang out with or do something with.
On some level, I am not bothered by that fact. But curse my anti-social behavior. I’d like to go see an occasional movie with someone rather than seeing it by myself. Possibly, even maybe… go out to eat and get a table for more than one.

I guess I’ve no one to point the finger at other than myself, because new friends don’t just grow on trees… unless you are some kind of crazy scientist that practices the cloning process via plant life.
I am neither a smooth talker nor the most confident person when it comes to holding (let alone starting) a conversation with anyone, especially with women. Because to me, every attractive woman has a boyfriend and if they don’t, there is someone in their life that is better me. … That is some crazy thought processing right there. I take the risk and get shot down without uttering a single word.
I don’t have some great quest to grab the attention of some would be lover, not after the way the last one turned out. Since that one, I’ve been limping along trying to fill that whole where my heart used to be.
I often think that my lonely nights are the result of Karma for the way I threw away the only relationship that I truly felt comfortable in. But, at the time, I thought I wasn’t ready for that kind of connection and did a shitty job of handling the issue… so now, for the pain I caused, I must in turn suffer.

Wish I could just muster all my inner strength and say ‘Bah! Take the risk! If you get shot down, so what, she wasn’t right for you anyway.’ But it isn’t as easy as that… when you get turned down, ignored, or embarrassed by the fact that they have someone already… you feel pitiful, insecure, and ugly. Or you have the fear of being misunderstood. By going out of your way to do something unexpected, a simple act of kindness is taken for being creepy and a stalker.
I don’t want to come off as a creeper. My intentions are pure and honest, I just want you to be happy and feel comforted by the fact that there is someone in this world who truly cares about you. If that means that we won’t necessarily be together, then I guess I’ve got nothing to complain about. But keep in mind, for the foreseeable future, I’ll be here. An open ear, an open heart… never judging or prejudice against bad decisions or a regretful past… I have no place to hold a high position over anyone. I don’t presume to know anything about you, so I can’t tell you how good I would be for you, more so than anyone else in the world.

For someone who likes to be there for others, there is nothing worse than having no one to be there for.

Anyway… this post is… long.
Since I have no Into-Ther-Nets here at my place, I write this post via Word, and it has now breached the fifth page barrier. So I guess I need to wrap it up and get to a place like Panera or Starbucks to siphon some WIFI and at least maintain my internet social life.