okay so my luck with guys hasn't been the greatest lately. ive dated a handful of losers and guys that are obviously going nowhere. its not a horrible thing. i think a girl needs to experience it all before really deciding what she wants and what shes looking for. but sometimes i just wish this amazing guy would come and just sweep me of my feet and say "you're worth it. i will prove it. and i'll prove that im worth you giving me a chance". but i know that doesnt happen....ever! only in movies and song lyrics. but its nice to think about...and dream about really.

don't get me wrong. i love having fun and meeting someone to maybe make the night a little more fun. but at the end of the night when i leave...i just dont feel like ever calling or texting them back. or even giving them a chance.  i find out enough to be like...he's not what i need. example....lets call him....nathan....he's younger than me. my friends little brother actually. he recently got out of prison and has a few tatoos on his body. and by a few i mean a bunch. hes deals drugs and races trucks. he's super attractive and has a gorgeous smile and amazing eyes. haha...not a good choice right? another example?...lets call him....seth....he's three years older than me. hes a server/bartender. not my type at all. but i've been intoxicated around him a few times and well...we just migrate to each other. he's funny and cocky and is amazing in bed. but when the dust settles...he's totally not for me. he drives a tiny little car and thinks hes god's gift to women. cocky is hot....to a point...after that point is passed..its just a turn off. another example....lets call him nick...another server/bartender. i've known him for years. he dated a friend of mine in high school. i had a crush on him for like half a second in high school before he dated my friend. we recently started hanging out again and one thing kinda led to another on more than one occasion. again...pretty great in bed but...he has a drug problem. and he does it a lot. doesnt take advice well and he lies like theres a prize for it or something. he flashes money but doesnt have any. great guy when sober but when hes drunk or on whatever it is that hes on...hes someone i dont want to associate with.

i have more...i actually can go on all day about the guys i've dated or slept with or hung out with. seriously....i have literally have met Mr. Right....well his name was Wright but he was ohhhhhh sooooooo wrong! that man actually stared at my chest our ENTIRE date. it was disgusting. i actually had to make up an excuse to leave. seriously??? i think im a loser magnet. so ive kinda given up on the whole thing. kinda feel like just winging it for a while. and see what happens...and of course the minute i decide to do that...some guy messages me. says im beautiful and wants to get to know me. he saw my myspace. which is fine...i keep it public because i have nothing to hide and who knows...i might meet someone from there. i kinda spill my guts on my profile too. like i said...i have nothing to hide. im not drop dead gorgeous but im not ugly either. i was surprised he messaged me so i worte him back. hes a little younger than me...but i figure why not give him a chance. u never know whats gonna happen.

so i guess i will just see what happens.

his name? lets call him David ;)

xoxo

p.s. i found this song...and it kinda is exactly what i was talking about in the beginning. about just having someone come and say ur worth more than all of this... try and download it because the lyrics mean so much more when put to music!


"Unemployed Boyfriend" by everclear

[Answering machine:] ''Hi, this is Peggy. Leave me a nice message or I'll kill ya."

''Hey Peggy, it's me.
You are never going to believe what happened to me today.
I'm sittin' at the unemployment office, waitin' on my loser of a caseworker,
in one of those nasty chairs,
when from out of nowhere, this total stranger walks right up to me,
sits down, then leans over and says something like,
This is gonna sound a little obsessive.''

This is gonna sound a little obsessive
This is gonna sound a little bit strange
I have one thing to say
Before I turn and I walk away

This is gonna sound a little impulsive
This is gonna sound a little insane
I know you don't know me yet
But you and I, we will be together someday
Someday
I know, I know, I sound like I'm on drugs
Listen to me when I say

That ever since when I first saw you
Sittin' on your car outside
You asked for a cigarette
I couldn't stop starin' at your eyes

Ever since when I first saw you
Looking bored in that plastic chair
With the lights of the office around you
Those blond streaks, they look so pretty in your black hair
You look cool and alternative with that disaffected stare
Yeah you want people to think that you just don't care

Hey you can be with me
Yeah 'cause I just might be the one
Who will treat you like you're perfect
Who will always make you come
Hey you can be with me
Yes I will always let you win
I will never be like those other guys
I will never be your unemployed boyfriend

Can you believe he said that to me?
To me, of all people! I can't even remember the last time a guy took me out
on a date and actually paid for it!?

This is gonna sound a little bit out there
This is gonna sound a little insane
I keep having the same dream
You will be the mother of my children someday
Someday

I heard you sleep with that obnoxious guy
I know he is in that famous band
You look so sad when you are with him
Yes I never see him reach to hold your hand

Yeah you can be with me
Yes I will treat you like a queen
I will go to all those chick flick movies
That I really don't want to see
Yeah you can be with me
No I will never let you down /> I will never make out with your girlfriend
When I know you're not around
Yes you can be with me
Yeah I just might be the one
Who will treat you like you're special
I will always make you come
You can be with me
Yes I will always let you win
I will never be like those other guys
I will never be like those other guys
I will never be your unemployed boyfriend

Can you believe this? I mean, can this be for real?"

No!

"Then he takes my hand, writes down his number, and just walks away."

Whoa!