Okay, this shall be the seventh and last obliged piece of LOL (as you all may be able to tell, forced humour doesn't work for people like me). So in other words, NO MORE LOL.
Linkphobe? It wouldn't be as funny now, but basically 'LOL' is a false representation because people barely do laugh OUT LOUD. So it's now LOi, everybody. Unless you're genuinely LOLing. Or LMAOing. Then again, asses don't fall off. Gimme a buzz if you witness this happening.
Moving on.
As one may be able to see above, John Stewart sent me an email, how epic. The moral? Do not underestimate email/internet surveillance people, even if they spell the names wrong.
Also, the IRS wants to give me a tax refund. WOW!
Oh, y'know what's even more awesome than funny lines on comic strips? Funny lines on comic strips when taken out of their context!
Actually, that one sortof works outside the context, hmmm. Got any recurring nightmares, people? I get one about losing teeth from time to time. Then there's the one where I get stuck writing essays in front of a computer forever. Oh wait, that's my real life.
"Things you should know about Australia", stolen from ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
darkprism. Plentyful lols.
THE FOLLOWING ARE GENUINE, SERIOUS QUESTIONS POSTED TO THE WEBSITE OF TOURISM AUSTRALIA.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure. It's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: Africa is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Australia is that big island
in the middle of the Pacific which does not...oh, forget it. The hippo racing is on every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q: Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Austria is that quaint little country bordering Germany, which is...oh, forget it. The Vienna Boys Choir performs every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: We are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in America, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q: Do you have killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet. We can import them for you if you like.
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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in the trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q: I have developed a new product that is the
fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of idiots gather.
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Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Gay nightclubs.
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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes. Be aware, you'll have to pay her by the hour.
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
