1. it's all in how your fingers want to move. i can't make mine move like someone else's across the keys. they want to go where they will, and my fingers won't want to go where hers, or hers fall naturally. sometimes they will be quite close. more often than not, it's a completely foreign language.

i could work harder, of course, to learn these other languages. so many other people do - but yes. it's always a bit emptier. a bit less feeling. because it isn't mine. it is not my voice. it is her voice with a me accent. why wouldn't i want to be me? i don't know. i suppose so many don't.

2. some of my voice.
a day came where water was
clearer than the air around
filled with the breath of another's sounded
heavy, not hers, not mine

we lived with a not-yet-there ghost
anticipating the coming
of an impersonated christ
cooking a dinner for three in the kitchen

why do lilies have to die?
something's flying around it now
the time to forget everything else
one day some day maybe i'll
remember the way they looked
carried in a ribbon with a 'hello pretty' voice
time to find a moment to smile

i've forgotten it for awhile and there were so many
times where i and maybe
it's the weather, dear, are you under it?
she asked with a knife

this back and forth is killing
what's not enough to live
chained together with it laughing
in the space between our lips

i never did like the sun.
freeze us alive again
away from myself
and so it is and so it goes (and goes, and goes, and goes)


3. the receptionist and one of the other assistants called out of work today because of the weather. it is somewhat understandable. they both have kids, and school was cancelled. but with how often that seems to happen here, that can't be acceptable. what if i did it, too? there would be no one here. i hate answering the phones, though.

4. i want a harpsichord, people. you don't even know

5. the lovely and awesome kater had a full bottle of Delirium, from yesterday's post. as is so often the case with BPAL, it doesn't smell like i thought it would. the rose overtakes the apple and lemon, and i'd prefer it the other way. but it is still nice, and i am enjoying it.