Six pm, home for a quick spell from work. I'm doing major overtime today; there's this proposal (300+ pages) that needs to be proofread by tomorrow morning. Guess who's the girl on the assignment? Anyway, it's quite cosy. I've been sitting in a room for myself today, listening to music, proofreading and texting and surfing with people. The manager responsible for the proposal is having a pretty bad conscience over dumping all the work on me, but i'm all right with it. I saw it coming, and knew i'd be doing a lot of overtime today (I expect to stop at 11 pm
 or when i'm too worn out), and have prepared myself for it. Gonna go back in a bit once my mp3's recharged (at least somewhat), and then i'll order myself some food. Yum! :3

I'm busy as hell these days. I manage to see a lot of people, then there's been creative projects and doll meetup this weekend, and i've taken a lot of pics of my dolls.
Yesterday I was at this intro course at work, it was pretty nice. Pretty boring sometimes, but nice nonetheless. Good food, and lunch at Radisson, yum! :D "More pie, you say? Sure! Bring it on!" Mmm. We played this kinda ethical roleplaything in order to make all the new people get to know each others (we were about a hundred), the objective was slightly confusing, but it was fairly fun nonetheless.
Went to get tattooed straight after work, and it was ... aw man, it's bliss. It's S & M. On all levels. I'm pretty sure he doesn't perceive it like that, but i'm getting one hell of a kick out of it.

First off, there's the physical kick of it. What's S&M? Interaction involving pain between two consenting adults. What is getting tattooed? Um, interaction involving pain between two consenting adults (and I gladly pay for it ... except yesterday was free of charge :3). Or in other words: I put up with this really hot and attractive guy causing me delicious pain for an aesthetic reason. Endorphins, willing mutilation, the intimacy of the situation ... ooh, the goodness.

Secondly, there's the mental part of it. He's not that stupid. Or well, he's pretty bright, and he can stand his ground and take no shit. As mentioned (probably several times) in other posts, I like to fuck with him (not that way. Er. You know.); I take it as a challenge to bullshit [with] him, and he returns it. I'll threaten him with taking a sledge hammer to his car, he'll threaten to put his people on my case if I do so. Oh, and more S&M: I had made some cheeky comment, and he put the needle to my skin, muttering "Okay, i'm gonna tattoo you right here and hope it really hurts" *smile*.
I love it.
I feel like i'm going to some club to get my needs stilled; to get my kick.

I feel good about it. It's a goddam fucking shame he's messed up, because it could have been really good. But I don't need an Alf mark II. I like knowing that i'll get tattooed there for the next very long while (with aaalll my projects), and that's enough for me. I get my strange kicks. And nothing/noone can take that away from me.
The only thing I hope is that he enjoys our conversations as well. That he doesn't think i'm an idiot, that he's amused. That he's ... trusting me, or has some sort of relation to me. Like you have with a good colleague.

The owner of the parlor and him were discussing hanging out in the weekend, and he didn't sound as hung up with spare time as i've gotten the impression. I got to kinda worry whether his whole "I have trouble bonding with people due to a hard upbringing bla bla bla" is just fake; a white lie as a nice way of rejecting me. We had a conversation on honesty, and he said that he sometimes uses white lies; that little lies are okay if they don't harm people. Diplomacy.
I don't know. It was pretty obvious that I was pretty into him (and still is, in some way), and it was a clean getaway, without having to tell me I was unattractive or whatever. Hell, I think i'd easily do the same thing in a similar situation. Either way, the result is the same - no dating, and no hanging out. I think i'd rather be let down easily.
On the other hand. If he slipped me a white lie, I feel kinda stupid. I pride myself on having a pretty good idea of how and why people say things, and the intentions behind, as well as when they're faking; when something's out of tune. If I didn't catch such an obvious thing, i'm nowhere near as good at decoding people as I like to think I am. And if he's slipped me that lie, it means he's putting a lot more distance between us than I expect him to. I believe(d) that he's an honest person and a pretty upright guy, and I feel ... bad about in that case being an irritating person you need to get off your back. I don't really expect much of him, other than nice tattoos and being straight with me.
Well, then. Judging from hanging out. We can't talk that much without him at least thinking i'm a good person. Everytime I go down there I plan on kinda ignoring him and being cool, and we always end up discussing all sorts of stuff. I don't think that'd happen if he thought I was a complete idiot, and I don't think he can keep that professional facade up for that long. Or maybe he's just really good; outsmarting me on that account, delivering good service with no sincerity in it.

I don't know. I choose to believe that he's been honest. That he has a hard time relating to people/making friends, because, well, he's a fuckup. I also choose to believe that he tries to stick to his ethics of not mixing work and private life. That's fair enough. I also believe I haven't done anything to embarrass myself. Of course, if he has the least sense of observation, he'll notice the way I look at him, the slight tinge in my voice of ... well, you know how you sound when you talk to people you really like. But it's minor things. I think it's something that tips him off into thinking i'm attracted, but i'm not making any more offers, and i'm not sighing and gazing dreamily at him. I keep my cool as well as I can. That ... shouldn't be annoying.

Anyway, the tattoo's becoming a real beauty. I got it free of charge this time, and next time we'll be doing an extended session, so it can be pimped up, with all sorts of cool details, graded background and such. He's giving me a pretty good discount (this time free, next time standard price though we'll probably be working for three or four hours), because i've promised to go to the tattoo con in Malmö in the middle of October. Thought it was November, but he remembered wrong.
It'll be fun. I hope.

....

So, this turned out to be yet another rant on mr. Tattoo. Well, suffice to say it's a positive thing for me, I like this addition to my life, I don't feel miserable. I'm just very fascinated (again, back to the S&M thing). I like this fluffy feeling I get for him, also because I know exactly where the line is drawn. I like the feeling of being in love itself, it makes me feel so alive. In this case, I don't really care that it's unrequited, because, well, that's just not possible, and a bad idea to boot. I'm also fascinated of ... well, being so fascinated by a person. Not that he's flawless (not at all), but that ... wow, there are people out there that are really interesting. It boots my dating integrity.

Anyway. Better get back to work. And food!