I've always had a question in my mind ever since I have gotten myself a lover.

Why say "I love you"?

If you look at the meaning of the word, it means something quite special. A feeling that is strong towards another person - barely anything can change that feeling. It's a very special phrase, to be said during special times.

Now, if you hear it every day, eventually the meaning will be lost, and it becomes a simple greeting.

Isn't "I love you" supposed to be something special? Not simple?

Yet still, I hear it every day, and automatically, I reply "I love you too". Automatically.

I can't feel anything anymore.

The phrase doesn't feel special anymore.

Maybe this is just me, but I do not feel comfortable saying that everyday. Even every month.

I find the most loving relationship based on trust, not words. You don't need to say the words "I love you". As long as it is implied, then all is well. If you can't find that implication, it shows that the trust is not yet fully there, but give it time, and it can grow.

I also find long distance relationships quite annoying.

I don't feel I can quite love someone as much as I should if they're not here with me. The cliche, "absence makes the heart grow fonder" does not apply to me. Instead, it's more like, "absence makes the heart forget". I did not forget how I fell in love, however, I don't feel for the person as strongly as I did anymore. It's only been a few months together, less than three, but I feel that we cannot be together anymore. I think we are too similar to each other . . . and one thing I find strange is how two similar people can attract each other.

I'm quite sorry, if you are reading this, my dear Ai . . .

But I feel that it's not working out, especially on my side. I may not be ready, or I may have clung onto you a bit more tighter than I should have.

I just don't know how to say this over a chatting room.

It's true, I have affection for you.

Though, I may have been reading into the wrong affection.

After all, the English language has only one word for "love", while others may have things like "brotherly love", "sisterly love", "friendship love".

I think my "love" only extends to friendship.

Forgive me, but I do not think this is working out for myself, and I know if I let this on longer, it will only break you.

I will think a little longer on this, but to be honest, this subject's been on my mind in the past two weeks.

I just don't know how to let someone down gently.