For most of you that know me well, you'll know that I will do pretty much anything to avoid any kind of confrontation, drama, scene etc. You'll know that I've managed to avoid drama for a long time. I guess you could say that this has been coming then.

I'm really not a fan of bitchy girls and strung out stories, but I'll tolerate them for the sake of peace and quiet. I'll tolerate pretty much anything, as long as it doesn't infringe on my morals. But there isn't really anything you can do when someone picks you up by the collar and drags you right into the middle of the mess.

I knew that this new start wouldn't be new for long, and that sooner or later the claws would come out and I'd be able to see everyone without the sunglasses. Maybe I didn't expect it to be this soon.

It's all over now, I know that. But I just really wish I could have avoided this all in the first place. I hate feeling like my insides are chewing on my bones, I hate having to wipe off the black trails my tears have left behind, I hate feeling like I've got no control...

It's been a long time since I've met anyone I can trust. There's probably one person in my life (outside of my immediate family) that I tell pretty much everything too. We don't argue, we don't fight, and there's no egos, no politics, no insane girl-code rules. We just are. Which is exactly how I like it to be. So it's always a pleasant surprise when you meet someone who is upfront about who they are and has no attitudes what-so-ever. Before now, it's only happened to me once, and I never met him. We grew up, and he grew a complex. I talk to him about once a year.

It's always really...good getting to know someone you've never spoken to before. You learn things, not just about them, but about yourself. You have to put words to things you feel, names to things you do, things you know, see, want.

This gets personal, so continued under the cut.

This is to you, if you're reading this. I think you're amazing. I've never met anyone who is so uncomplicated, and it's refreshing. I think it's what I need. I think you're good for me. I feel as though I can talk to you as me, with no makeup or facade. I like that I can be a nerd with you and you accept it, cus maybe you're a little bit the same. I like that I don't have to know everything with you. I like that I can say stupid things and you won't hold it against me.

I just want to apologize for what happened two days ago. You may be able to tell from my above comments on certain issues that I'm not terribly brilliant at controlling drama. I really wish this hadn't happened so early on. I was hoping your opinion of me wouldn't be tainted so quickly.

I don't think you should get to know me anymore. I don't think you should keep talking to me. You should know that I'm no good. I'm really scared that if you get to know me, I'll mess you up. I'll teach you the wrong things, I'll make you hate me, hate yourself, hate everyone. I'll bring out a side of you you don't know you've got. I'm pretty sure I'll screw you up, bad.

Do it for yourself, and forget me. Move on, leave me alone. Don't talk to me anymore. Save yourself before I hurt you more, for your sanity.

The really crazy thing is, I think maybe I get a little less messed up when you're around.