Ms. Knightley,



I do hope that my estranged wife won't be too outraged at what I'm about to say, though I don't see why she should. She's been nagging constantly about the D word, hence the title given to her. I didn't even notice she had 6 kids behind my back, that bloody whore. I've got an ear headache. Don't know if you've ever heard of her, Angelina Jolie. She's got tattoos everywhere, quite large knockers these days, and big bee stung lips. If you walk into a plastic surgeon's office and ask for "Angelina Jolie lips" they'll know exactly what you want. I don't fancy her any longer though. Are you still with Rupert? That should slowly become yesterday's news after I am done. After all we know how unattractive the guy can be....yes, I've spied on you in Hyde Park. Lovely cardigan. Were you really reading Harry Potter or just hiding a good porn novel under the sleeve? Either way, I've been watching you closely Ms. Knightley and I think that we should get married. There is no better pair. Fuck Lennon and Yoko. I've been married to 3 women before you but I'm not a lezzer at all...not unless you want us to be. My number's 1800-I-LOVE-KEIRAS-BUM. Call me!


Love always,

Judaca.