So like yar.

Not sure how i'm feeling tonight. I mean with the whole watching The Notebook (sob) or the texts i'm getting from him.
45mins i was on the phone to him earlier. and i seriously loved talking to him and listening to him.
I feel so bad that he has nobody to cuddle up too anymore and hold and let the pain go away. Apparenly, i used to help with that. I wish, i wish i could give him one of those cuddles again, just one last cuddle. A goodbye cuddle. But i wouldnt let go. Bad ent i?
I have him as a friend now, thats all i could ask for. If he wanted me back, ever, though, I don't think i'd want him to tell me. Only if i was single.
I wish somedays i was single. If i was, i'd jump on the bus right now and go a cuddle him. But i know i can't.
I gotta start thinking about mine and Jamie's future now.

We've already started talking about Christmas and that. Tbh i can't bloody wait for this years one, i never had a gooden last year. It's quite werid that i havnt even known S for a year yet. I fell like i've known him all my life.

So right now, i'm watching my all time favorite movie. TheNotebook. If i could ever be in any film playing any part i'd be Ali in this film. Its so romantic and soppy! The ending makes me cry so hard, when Noah and Ali die in each others arms when there old. If anything, i'd like to die like that, in the arms of a loved one. I wouldnt like to be alone. Jesus, as if im thinking about dying and stuff. SORRY!

My grandad's well btw, up and talking now apparently. I need to see him before friday my dad said or something. I'm so so so so happy he's still here. but apart of me wanted him to go, cos i dont thinki could deal with it all again. But i'm gonna have too someday.

So i've rambled on tonight. Not much of a subject to this blog either.


Btw
Stew, thanks for everything. i apporciate everything you do for me. i love you so much.
Sinead- BFFL. i love you gorgeous girlie
Charl - Best person in the world.
Jamie - Amazing. I love you more than anything.


Night,
Jayy
x