Wow, I feel so fucking lazy, I just can't get myself motivated. Maybe it's just that I'm asking myself to do too much: read and analyze fiction/poetry (I think I've read about...10 or so books this summer and right now I'm reading 3), write poetry (I'm a relative novice at that in case you couldn't tell), practicing/learning guitar from the ground up, practicing piano (jazz piano, meaning, learning chord progressions, comping patterns, etc) AND arrange music. Oh, I was going to attempt calculus this summer because I found a calculus text in the free box and figured hey, why not? I took this course once, I just don't entirely remember it anymore. Oh and I have to review my music theory. And I only get like 2 or 3 hours a day to do all of that. AHHHH! I'm driving myself insane. And the worst part is I can't get away from the fucking net and I can't stop procrastinating like woah. Like Candyman has taken about two months thus far. (In my defense, that thing is SUCH a bitch.) Part of it is that, like, for example right now, I can't figure out what I want to do. Should I A.) incorporate all the massive edits on my poem that this guy so generously gave me, B.) work on candyman, C.) arrange another song, D.) practice guitar or E.) up and start on piano.

Maybe, maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself to be "brilliiant" or whatever. Like I think it's probably a problem when you see your practicing an instrument as a means to achieving happiness, but you don't actually view practicing itself as happiness. And that's probably why I never practiced classical piano much, especially my senior year (yet somehow, my skills would improve over the week without my practicing...and I ended up with pretty decent skills anyway. Which makes you wonder what it would've been like if I HAD practiced?? OMG!). Ay ay ay.

Actually I started working on this one song, called 'Comfort', by Deb Talan, which has been pretty amusing so far but I haven't gone beyond the opening part. It's interesting to play because it's all fingerpicking and I've never really done fingerpicking before, so it's a like a new skill hooray :) But now I have to transcribe the rest of it because the tab I got from the internet is shit. Hmm...after that, I'll have to add the vocals, which is a little interesting considering the rhythm.

And speaking of vocals my voice has started doing that weirdass cracking thing again. I feel like I teenage boy: I hit this one note and my voice just wobbles around on it, it's so fucking weird. I couldn't pin it down to save my life. Once again: ay ay ay!

Speaking of ay ay ay, today we went to the folk life festival and we saw this mariachi band, and all the way on the left there's this guy who looks EXACTLY like Barack Obama; and of course he's got the white shirt with the cute, overlarge floppy bowtie and the pants with the metal bars arranged in stripes all the way down on either side. He's holding a violin and he's the guy that does the really high pitched whooping and the ay ay ay! and the "arrrrrrrrrr" rolling thing. And it looks like Barack Obama so it's fucking hilarious.

OK I have to do SOMEthing. I think tonight I'll work on guitar and then Candyman (or maybe I'll start "Time is Running Out" just to give myself a breather; got to arrange another three songs did I mention that???), and then formulate a practice plan for piano, read around quite a bit to figure out just what it is I should be doing.

Hellooooo productivity!