I feel as if the world is passing me by and I can't do a thing to slow it's onslaught. I'm not sure I want to be here anymore. We fight all the time. She went to bed angry at me again. And for what? It's so pathetic I don't even remember. 

I'm not so sure my heart belongs here anymore. I mean, I now my heart will always belong in Michigan, but... there is a wanderlust. A journey incomplete.
 
So I ask myself often... where do I go from here? How do I end a 4 year relationship without turning into that which I hate most? 

And then there's the sadness. Always there. Lurking in the deep shadows and recessions that is my conscious. I can always feel it, even when I can't feel it's full force. It... prevents happiness. But worse, it kills me one moment at a time. What causes it? How can I be rid of it forever? My once surefire medication is no longer valid. It no longer bring me joy. 

Someday I hope to find myself. 

I often find myself dreaming of my cat, Smokie. I think he visits me there, but I am unprepared. I only hope that at the end of his life, he found peace in my voice. :'(