Overall, life has gotten better.  Much better.  I've gained so much confidence in the last few months, it's astounding.  I never would have guessed I could be the person I am today.  In the last three months, I've said "I can't" more times than I ever have in my life, and I've done every single thing I said that in reference to.  I've climbed walls with nothing but my upper body strength to save me, I've gone down them with nothing but a rope made by the lowest bidder to catch me if I fell, I've low crawled in dirt and rocks and chips while carrying a rifle until the elbows of my uniform were soaked with blood.  And, as one would expect, I've had countless laughs and tears.  Who would ever suspect there'd be a day when being woken up at 02:00 to low crawl for an hour in the same clothes you were expected to sleep in would be a mere inconvenience, something to roll your eyes and sigh over?  "All right, who fell asleep on fireguard this time?  I'll kick their ass!"  And then five minutes after it's all over you're asleep, and you've completely forgotten it the next morning.  

My attitude toward my peers changed a lot there, as it tends to do, and I'm glad.  When I arrived at basic, I was cocky and proud.  I felt as if being older and having a degree made me more capable.  But within the first two weeks, I realized that I depended on my platoon members more than I would have ever imagined for help and support.  These 18-year-old recent high school graduates really are the ones fighting this war, keeping all of us alive.  They're the ones I looked at during high school graduation and thought "I'm sure glad *I'm* making something of my life," and now they're the ones pulling me up the last foot of the wall saying "Miller, come on, I won't let go!"  They're the ones crawling behind me while live rounds are firing over our heads and all I want to do is curl into a ball and wait for someone to pick me up and take me somewhere safe, screaming over the noise, "nothing's going to hurt you, you've got to finish this one last thing or you'll never get the hell out of here!"  And they're the ones running beside me the last 1/4 mile during the PT test yelling "don't give up!  They'll just make you do the whole thing again!"  In such a short time, I went from a feeling of superiority to a feeling of complete equality with everyone in my class, and now that I think about it, that was probably intentional on their part.  Hm.

Also, I now understand the meaning behind the Bloodhound Gang song "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo."  If nothing else, it was worth it for that.  

I have a newfound sense of family values.  I've never missed my parents so much. 

I have a restructured sense of priority.  There are so many things that seemed important before that are still great, but aren't important any more by any means.  I've been cleansed over the last four months.  No sex, no alcohol, no tobacco, no parties, no freedom.  So many vices that seemed staples in the past have become extraneous.    

I miss my friends from Iowa so much.  I miss the bars downtown in Iowa City, I miss hanging out in Cedar Rapids.  It's been three months since I've sat on a couch and watched tv.  It's been three months since I've kissed a man.  It's been three months since I've been anywhere at all without the fear of being summoned for accountability.  Last night I had my first intimate dream since I shipped, and right as we were about to start, someone popped in saying we had accountability formation, to get my clothes on.  What?!  They've got me trained so that I can't even dream about it.  Ah well.  

But anyways, I'll write more later I'm sure, but don't worry about me.  People here seem friendly enough, at least the people  in my platoon anyway.  I've got a few groups I hang out with regularly and I'm content.  I don't start classes 'til December so I'm just sort of hanging out here until then.