27. You make me feel things.
“Josh, you’re not listening to me. Go. Away.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Tell me.”
>“What the hell is it with you? There. Is. Nothing. Wrong.” “You’re lying.”
“Most likely.”
“Drake…”
“Goddamn it! Love, Josh. That’s what’s wrong, alright? Why? Because it means nothing. Because in the end, everything ends and all that time you spent worrying about it was for nothing.”
“It’s Amy, isn’t it?”
“No.”
“Drake.”
“…”
“What happened with her?”
“…”
“Dammit, Drake. Tell me.”
“She did it, man.”
“Did wha–? Oh, no.”
“I begged her not to, Josh. I fucking begged her. She did it anyway.”
“I’m sorry.”
“That’s what she said.”
“I actually mean it.”
“It’s not like I wanted to be a father, Josh. But, fuck…”
“It’s okay to be sad, Drake.”
“Thank you, Mister Rogers.”
“Fuck you. I’m trying to help.”
“Help. You wanna help me? Get the fuck out like I told you to. That’s how you can help me.” “I don’t think you should be alone.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t be.”
“…”
“It hurts when you’re here, alright? You…dammit.”
“I what?”
“…”
“What, Drake?”
“You make me feel things. You make me think. You make me want things I can’t have.”
“Like what?”
“Like…like…like I don’t know, Josh.”
“Sure you do.”
“I wanted that baby.”
“I know you did.”
“I had this stupid dream the other day where I was teaching him how to play the guitar.”
“Oh.”
“He had blond hair and brown eyes and was missing his two front teeth. He was sitting on my lap and I was holding his fingers on the strings beneath my hands. I could feel his hair tickling my chin.”
“That’s a nice dream.”
“You were there.”
“What?”
“It was you and me and the kid, Josh. We were happy.”
“Drake…”
“I know. Stupid, huh?”
“No. Not stupid, Drake.”
“It’s never going to happen.”
“Which part?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, do you mean the teaching your kid to play the guitar part will never happen or the you and me part will never happen?”
“Josh…”
“Well?”
“…”
“All you’ve ever had to do is ask me, Drake.”
“Josh, I…”
“I’ve been here the whole time. Watching. Waiting. Picking up your pieces. It’s what I’ve always done for you. I just didn’t think you noticed.”
“I noticed.”
“You never said anything.”
“I wouldn’t, would I? That’s not my style. I’ve never had to ask before.”
“I know. Everything just comes easily to you.”
“Not everything. Not this.”
“Drake. Listen to me. You’re upset. Maybe this isn’t the best time to be talking about this.” “You were in my dream, Josh. Not Amy.”
“So? Sometimes I dream I’m having dinner with Winston Churchill. It doesn’t mean anything.” “Josh, shut up.”
“Or Gandhi. He’s there sometimes, too.”
“Josh.”
“And once I had a dream that I was a giant fish and we were having sushi. I remember thinking, this isn’t right–” “…”
“What was that for?”
“You wouldn’t shut up.”
“Were you just eating Cheetos?”
