My mom basically accused me of never doing anything for myself, never helping myself out. She said that it's my choice I'm in the situation I'm in, it's my choice I don't want to live according to her rules, her expectations. And the only help she wants me to get is to get me to live "as I was created."

I told her before, the way I am is completely inborn. I was created this way. Living as a girl would be fighting my nature. I told her that I was fine with getting a little girly for special occasions, but otherwise, I'm going to continue dressing the way I do, because it's comfortable (and not obscene - seriously, those form-fitting jeans do nothing for my thighs and ass). Apparently that's not good enough. Even though she wouldn't see me half the time anyway. I spent the last few years hiding shit from her, I can still do it easily. My day doesn't start until she's out of the house, and when I get home, I can easily make a bee-line to my room and change into my sweats before she even gets a look at me.

But that's beside the point. According to her, I'm "really unhappy." I'm not, really. I'm mad at her, of course, but she is not my entire world. Julia is, and Julia makes me happy beyond all reason, and it's too strange for either of us to not see me as a boy.

So, since my mom wants me to get help, I did. I'm actually utilizing the school's health office and I set up an appointment with them for next Tuesday. They can give me six sessions for free, then refer me to wherever I need to go. And if the classes at the school are anything to go by, I'm fairly sure they're not going to try to get me to live as a girl.

I'm going to Fry's on Saturday with my dad to pick up a new computer, so I'm going to tell him that he can tell mom that I've got an appointment with a psychologist set up, so now she can't say anything.

Also, about the computer? I suggested a refurbished Mac that was $800, because my mom's always bitching about money, so I figured I'd save her a few bucks. But no, we're going and getting a brand new Mac, which is going to be $200~300 more than the refurbished one. And no, I'm not getting a Macbook Air - my current Mac can't play disks, I need a new one that can. But whatever. It's not my money. Can't say I didn't try. I think this may either be because my dad is still actually concerned about me and wants to make sure the thing's not gonna break on me, or else my mother just wants another "point" to her side for getting me a ~brand new Mac~ which is ~so expensive.~ ¬¬ Fucking hell. Isn't it kinda pointless to do something for somebody else that they didn't even want done and won't be happy with?

Well, whatever. I only have to survive for just a little longer. I may also be able to play with my hours here so I can pick up a second job. Next semester is gonna be hell, but I'll do it, just to prove to my mom that I can. And I'll survive, because I promised Julia I would. I have to, just to get my life together and move forward. That's all I can do - just keep moving forward.