Marco, Nives and I had our own little barbeque yesterday. It was really nice.
I truly appreciate the times when there's just the three of us, and things feel like they did years ago.♥
It was hilarious though, because when we first started firing up the barbeque, which was just this tiny little disposeable one, Nives was all "Step back ladies, I'm a master!"
45 minutes later there was still no fire, and the poor barbeque had been stuffed full of paper,newspaper and matches... In the end we figured that it was too old (mom bought it last year) and we sent Nives to get a new one.
That one worked, and soon we were enjoying our hotdogs, the sun and the sight of my cat trying to eat the bunny. ^^;;

Pictcha tiem! xD
I dunno....it's part of the style I've had this week...It's sort of...Visual Harajuku Loli-kei... I love it♥


Then, we watched 'Aoi Haru' with Matsuda Ryuhei last night. And wow. ♥


I'd heard alot of things about Aoi Haru, but never found it anywhere, so when Yesasia had the Taiwanese release for only 50;- NOK, I went ahead and bought it.
And well.. It's good.
It's really good actually.
It has this Battle Royale-ish feel to it,and by that I mean that desperation. How the students are failing, they have no future and they all know it, but they don't know how to turn around and do something about it. Violence is pretty much all they know, and attitude is everything.
The teachers don't care. Or maybe they have just given up, with the exception of the gym teacher (?) who tries to scare sense into them, and the teacher who deals with the gardening club. He befriends them, talks to them, cares about them and treat them no different than anyone else. Maybe because he's 'a little person', and knows what it's like to be treated differently?
In his class the students can let their guard down. It's neutral.

There's always one student that's considered to be 'the boss' at this school; whoever can clap the most times without falling to his death while hanging on the outside of the fence on the roof wins the title.
On a total whim, Kujo (Matsuda) claps 8 times and is crowned 'boss'.

Like always, Matsuda plays a quiet, reticent, slightly awkward young man.
But the difference is that as the movie progresses, Kujo turns pretty bad ass.
With everything going on around him; their classmate 'Obake' suffering from terminal illness, the yakuza picking new members freely among the students, his friend Yukio turning into a murderer in desperation and finally, when his best friend Aoki turns on him.
At the same time you can see that this innocentlike, vulnerable boy that it seems like Matsuda-san is always typecast for is in there.
But when all comes to all, there can only be one outcome.
The face-off between Kujo and Aoki is heart-wrenching.
Almost the kind of heart wrenching as when Sasuke and Naruto fight in the Valley of the End.

And I think what makes it worse is that it all could've been avoided.
/>And of course that since this is a movie set in an all boy's school, and with Matsuda in the lead, there is a certain feel of homoerotic tension looming over the relationships between a few of the guys.
That might just be my opinion, but I think it also has a lot to do with the kind of character Kujo is.
Well...that and how their big fight consists of pulling each others hair.... xD

It's a very dark movie, but at the same time it has these situations where you just can't help but laugh.
All in all, everything I've heard about this movie and it's greatness is true.
It's really worth a watch! At least I'm in love with it. ♥



Finally, a fic.
I was never planning on posting this...but there was a person on dA yesterday (Evilyaoineko), who really wanted to see more of my BR ficlets, so I dug out this one:


Disclaimer:
I do not own Kazuo or Kawada.
I do not own Nanahara and Nakagawa. I don’t want to own Nanahara and Nakagawa.
I make no profit from this.

Warning:
Blah, blah, blah… SLASH/YAOI, NC-17: Lemon, Anal.

A.N:

This thing took over my brain and forced me to scribble it down in a book one night while I was watching ‘Balto’ of all things… x3
It’s slightly inspired by this other fic I read… But I wanted to do something like this long ago; no feelings, no fluff, nothing like what I normally write.
This could have happened.
After the explosion.
If someone had interfered.
Who knows?
This made a whole lot of sense the night I wrote it, but now I'm not so sure...I'm sorry for the chaotic way I wrote it... Basically this; ~*~ means that we're switching POV...

Pale shades of Grey

I swore I wouldn’t die, and I didn’t.
I survived the game a second time around,
We all did; the four of us.
We were rescued. Against all odds, right before I almost killed him. Or was it the other way around?
I just recall these people rushing in, out of nowhere, interfering with the battle. A human rights organization.
They rescued us.
Or, condemned us to out eternal nightmares. Whichever you prefer.

The first few weeks are a bit of a blur; I spent them in the hospital. I guess that goes for the others too.
Maybe not the girl, Noriko, she wasn’t as injured as the rest of us.
When I say ‘rescued’ I mean of course, that we’re kept in confinement.
We’ve killed people.
There’s no way to deny that.
At least, I did. And He.

The doctors also seem to think that we’re suffering from posttraumatic stress-syndrome. ..
That’s right. We’re in an institution.
We live in apartments on the premises.
Nanahara and Nakagawa in one of the buildings.
Me and Him in another. Apartment 32.

I look over at him, he’s his normal, aloof and silent self. He’s on the couch, feet pulled up underneath that lean body of his. His presence is hardly noticeable, that’s how reticent he is.
But I can always sense him.
He’s always there.

It used to bother me to no end; I hated him so strongly in the beginning. I just wanted to wring his neck.
In a way it’s a miracle that we’re both alive.
We should have killed each other long ago. It’s not as if there’s been a lack of opportunities.
Maybe it’s because I can’t seem to find it in me to take one more life?
Or maybe it is that despite him being the source of my hatred, - as well as the target, and despite him being my constant reminder of what happened…He’s all I have.
I find him fascinating…Somehow.

Just a few hours ago I discussed him with a doctor.
“Where’s Kiriyama?”
“Sleeping.”
“Wake him up, it’s time for his check-up.”
“Do it yourself.” I snarl. “Some checkup I might add…All you do is look at his eyes.”
“There’s nothing wrong with him apart from that.”
“Oh yes there is,” I say. “Haven’t you noticed? He never smiles. He never laughs.”
“You don’t do much of that yourself.”
“That’s not my point. I know he’s a genius. I’ve noticed his brilliance. It might be that he’s insanely smart, a genius, but he’s somehow….I don’t want to say retarded….But…There’s something wrong with his head…”
“Yes, he’s a sociopath. You know that.”
“That’s not what I meant…It’s like he’s missing something.”
“Just go get him, will you?”

His cold, almost whispering voice disrupts my thoughts:
“What are you staring at?” he’s directing those dead, white eyes at me.
“How can you know I’m staring?”
He shrugs.
He looks different now from when I first saw him.
Back then his eyes were deep brown, but they were just as cold.
He’s paler now, and skinnier. His hair is still the color of rust, but his natural color is growing back. Something tells me he hates it.
His appearance has without doubt suffered some decay, but he is still breathtaking.

His eyes look like they’re made of glass, white pupils, slightly darker…like grey…or…purple.
I’ve never asked him, even though we’ve been living together for months. I finally do:
“Kiriyama?" I ask, and then wait.
" Are you completely blind by now? How much do you see?”
Dead eyes look back at me. He’s practically sneering.
“I was.” he says. “When I woke up in the hospital I didn’t see a thing. Now I see shades of grey. And red.”
“Why red?”
“Blood?” he shrugs.
He turns to me again, saying one of the things I never can understand if is a joke or a serious comment. “It’s fine though, I don’t have to look at that mug of yours every day.”
He rises to his feet and heads into the bathroom. His steps are confident, he doesn’t stumble. Not even once, despite being almost blind.

This is when I’m supposed to be very careful, listen well and pay attention.
Some of the doctors seem to think he’s suicidal.
I’ve been telling them that he’s not.
He’s very different form the rest of us, but he’s not suicidal.
Kiriyama wouldn’t do anything as stupid as to try to kill himself. He cares too little for that.
Not that I think he cares if he lives or dies… But he wouldn’t do that.
I stopped worrying about that a long time ago, although you can’t say I worry at all.
I say, if they’re afraid someone’ll kill themselves they should keep their eyes on the other two.

~*~
It’s true I only see shades of grey and black. It has made things simpler somehow.
I still smell the stench of blood, still see the dead bodies, the people I killed, and still…I feel nothing.
I wonder if he is the same way.
The only color I see is red. There must be some connection.

What’s this?
My door is opening.
Even after seven months he’s never been in my room.
Heck, we’ve hardly ever spoke more than a few words.

“Kiriyama?”
“Hm?” I sit up, as he sits on my bed.
“You’re talkative today?” I say.
“And you’re not, as always.” he replies.
“It’s my nature. What do you want?”
He shrugs. I see his silhouette.
His hair is longer now I think. Only slightly though…And he’s still wearing that bandanna.

“Hey…I was wondering…You wouldn’t…kill yourself, would you?”
“Why this all of a sudden?” I ask. “You want to be rid of me that badly?”
“No…I…”
“Don’t worry about it, I know you hate me.”
“I don’t-”
“I’d probably hate you too, if I could.” this is more than we’ve talked since…ever actually.
He’s surprised, I can tell by his tone when he says: “You really can’t feel a thing, can you?”
“Never could.” I shrug.

“There was a time,” he starts, after a long pause. “That I just wanted to rip you apart.”
“Why didn’t you?” I know I would have.
“Something told me not to.”
“How generous of you.”
“As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve grown accustomed to having you around. I don’t know if we’ll ever get out of here, and at that, you’re the person in this world I think I least want to spend this time with. Yet, fate brought us together, and horrifyingly enough I find myself starting to in a way…enjoy your company…I’ve come to depend on you somehow.”
~*~
“We’re two of a kind, right?” he says, almost sarcastically.
“I’m all you’ve got.” he says it in a way that was he any other person, I’d be able to taste the resentment in his voice. But this guy…He’s not like that. Or rather, he’s not capable of it.
Lately, I’ve been more fascinated by him, drawn to him in a strange way.
Let’s face it, there’s not much to do in this apartment, this confined bubble of artificial reality. He grows more captivating by each day, as I grow more and more bored.
Maybe I’m losing my sanity.
His blanket has slid down, I see his pale skin….
I swallow.
I reach out and touch him.
He just ‘looks’ at me, with his piercing, yet dead glare. Is it my imagination or is his breath heavier? I know mine is.
I part my lips and whisper hoarsely; “Hey, Kiriyama…”
Questioning, blind eyes stare at me.
“I know you can’t feel anything…I know you’re not like me, or anyone else…But…You’re a guy. You have…needs…right? Desires?”
His voice is nothing but a whisper as he replies; “I do now.”
~*~
My heart’s beating in my chest, which lowers and rises with each heavy breath I take as he moves closer.
I tremble when his lips touches mine.
It’s true that I don’t feel. But I can still desire.
He is right; I have needs. And we’re both all the other has.
I allow him to lower me back onto the mattress.

Confinement can do the strangest things to people….
~*~
He’s slightly reluctant, fighting me in a way, his tongue battling mine for dominance. But I know he’ll give.
He knows too.
Now, just like then, I’m the dominant one.
He gives, pretending to still be reluctant, but I know better, by the way he writhes underneath me. By the way he lets out soft moans when I touch my lips to his neck.
I lick, bite, touch him all over.
We’re naked together now, Kiriyama and I.
It’s strange, since we should’ve been dead, killed by each other.
But it’s right somehow, despite the wrongness.
His lean frame is pressed up against me, his skin is hot against mine. I whisper into his ear, and he shivers. My tongue brushes over the cool metal in his earring.

As I enter him, he bites me, hard in the shoulder.
That is what defines the act from there on.
Although I want to be gentle, not to hurt him, there is still a part of me who hates him.
There’s so much anger and frustration bottled up; it takes over.
We’re moving together, hard and mercilessly.
It doesn’t seem like he minds the pain.
We bite, hiss, claw at each other’s skin and gasp into each new, starved kiss.
He’s insanely good; willing, warm, tight.
And he’s absolutely gorgeous when he screams my name.
My given name.
I can’t help but think of how he looked with the blood streaming from his eyes.
Maybe I’m somewhat sadistic?
But so is he.
It reminds me of a line in some song; “When angels cry blood…”
He is no angel. More like a devil.
I don’t mind anymore though.

He still has a convulsive grip on me, nails digging into my back.
A violent jolt go through me. I moan.
I whisper his name against flushed, sweaty alabaster skin as I come inside of him.
~*~
“Hey, Kiriyama…Is this ok?” he asks.
We’re still in my bed, and I can only see him as a grey shadow beside me.
I nod.
“I’m all you have, right?”

***Owari****


I sort of like it. But at the same time I don't.. But I do miss writing about these two.. *___*