Name: Vampires, Demons and Torchwood, Oh my!
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Spike/Buffy, Willow/Tosh, Xander/Anya, Martha, Owen, Faith, some minor OCs, the Doctor, Donna.
Summary: Sequel to Magic and Mayhem at the Rift. The Scoobie gang, now fully integrated into the Torchwood group and settled in to their new lives, discover there’s more coming through the rift than the odd demon and alien. This story is set post Exit Wounds, so there are minor spoilers. However, I have major problems with Exit Wounds and, as such, only some of the storyline happened (same goes for Reset which, although it happened, did not end like it did in the series in my head. Dead Man Walking and A Day in the Death DID NOT HAPPEN. I’m in my happy place now ...). Episodes like Adrift, Something Borrowed and Out of the Rain did happen, though (Like I said before: happy place) and may be referred to or even flash-backed to from time to time.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or Buffy the Vampire Slayer … I do however own the cracked story idea – and proud of it, thankyouverymuch! I don’t own the title of this story either, however, that was thought up by the wonderful</a></b></a></a></b></a>ickle18(I say wonderful because anyone who can come up with this title must be), the daughter of </a></b></a></a></b></a>missthingsplace THANK YOU!

My other stories and links to the chapters of Magic and Mayhem (and Vampires, Demons and Torchwood) can be found here, at my master list.


And, thusly, part b......



Previous chapters: Ch.1, Ch. 2 Ch.3 Ch.4 Ch.5 Ch.6 Ch.7 Ch.8 Ch.9 Ch.10 Ch.11a Ch.11b Ch.12 Ch.13 Ch.14 Ch.15 Interlude #1 Ch.16a


Chapter 16b: Plans.

10:06

Three hours later, Ianto was exhausted. He’d opened all his presents, some of which were good (Buffy had given him a new stopwatch. He suspected Jack had been involved in influencing her decision to buy it), some of the presents had been horrible (Gwen had bought him a hideous khaki tie to ‘supplement the colours of his wardrobe’) and some had been quite boring (Owen had bought him a new coffee mug).

Then they’d had cake. For breakfast. Ianto was left feeling sick. Then, just as he had attempted to retreat into the archives, Gwen had persuaded him to dance to some techno music.

He hated techno.

And he didn’t much like dancing.

Not this type of dancing, anyway.

Then the rift monitor had bleeped and everyone had filed out of the hub, leaving him to clean up his own surprise birthday party, with little help from Anya and Xander.

He suspected, however, that Tosh had organised the rift monitor to beep to save him from his own party and for that he would thank her later.

When she got back.

Libby, meanwhile, was helping him clean up the cake which had been dropped on the floor in the gang’s rush to leave. “Reminds me of your sixteenth,” she commented.

Ianto chuckled. “Yeah,” he said. “I cleaned that up, too, didn’t I?”

He put everything into a bag and stood up. “They know I hate parties and mess,” he said, with a sigh. “Even Owen knows.”

“What do you have against Owen?” Libby demanded.

“He’s a prat,” Ianto answered, simply.

Libby raised an eyebrow but said nothing as she glanced at her watch. “Oh, I better go, Kyle is expecting me.” She stood up. “I’d help you clear up the rest of the mess but ...”

“Go,” he said, resignedly. “Have fun.” He stood and gave his sister a hug. “Thanks for the present and coming to see me.”

Libby smiled. “That’s what sisters are for!”

“Oh? I thought they were for annoying their big brothers,” Ianto said, with a grin.

Libby hit him on the arm.

11:32

The cog door slid to one side and Jack found Ianto sat on the sofa reading a book, waiting for the others to return as Xander talked to them over the earpiece. Jack had ducked out before they could find the alien beacon he’d placed to save Ianto from his own party and kill him for it.

“Ianto,” he said, walking across.

“Jack.” He stood up, putting his book down. “Where are the others?”

“Sufficiently distracted that we can escape,” Jack replied, smirking.

“Ah.” Ianto smirked back. “So it was you, rather than Tosh, who got them out of the hub?”

“Did you really think Tosh would be capable of that level of deception to save you?”

“Well ... yeah,” Ianto replied.

Jack chuckled. “Yeah, you’re right, she probably would be.” He gestured at the cog door. “Let’s go then.”

“Are you kidnapping me?” Ianto enquired.

Jack grinned. “I remember asking the Doctor the very same thing,” he said. “And I repeat his answer: yep!” Ianto rolled his eyes as Jack grabbed his hand and started to pull him out of the cog door. “I’m kidnapping Ianto – we’ll be back tomorrow!” he yelled towards Xander.

“Whatever!” Xander replied.

“Have fun!” Anya yelled.

Jack forcibly dragged Ianto by the hand all the way to the tourist office and would have dragged him all the way home if it wasn’t for him saying, “I’m not going to resist, you know.”

Jack looked round. “Huh?”

“I’d take an evening with you over a party any day.”

Jack loosened his grip on his hand but didn’t release it. “Oh. Sorry.”

Ianto smiled. “No problem. Are we going home?”

Jack nodded opened the door to the tourist office, pushing Ianto out and following, after checking the plass like a criminal.

“Alright, Jack, what’s going on?” Ianto said, putting his hands on his hips. “You’re rushing me out like you’re afraid we’re going to get caught ...”

Jack grinned sheepishly. “I promised Gwen the whole day and that I’d get you after seven.”

“But?”

“But I’m breaking that promise because ... well, because I need to do this before I chicken out.”

Ianto raised an eyebrow but said nothing as Jack lead him over to the car and the two of them got in, Jack driving as usual.

12:41

“Brilliant,” Gwen grumbled as she waded through sludge. “Jack’s abandoned us, we had to call the party off early and my boots are ruined.”

Buffy looked round. “You know we’re going to end up in a sewer, yet you bother wearing nice boots,” she commented.

Gwen looked at her feet. “You’re wearing nice boots too,” she pointed out.

Shrugging, the Slayer replied, “I’m used to it. Been doing things like this since I was fifteen. If I didn’t wear nice clothes while slaying and the like I never would.”

“I see the logic in that,” Gwen said.

Behind them, Owen looked at Spike, who was along only because the sewers were out of the sunlight. “Why do women always start talking about shoes while in sewers?” he asked.

Spike shrugged and lit a cigarette. “Don't know, don’t care,” he replied.

“The beacon is straight ahead and slightly to the left,” Tosh announced from even further behind.

The group turned, as one, down a dank, smelly, drippy tunnel and discovered ...

“What the hell is a smiley balloon doing here?” Buffy exclaimed.

“Jack,” Gwen said, irritated. She walked across and popped the balloon with her fingernail, the beacon, previously contained inside, dropping into her palm. “We had an agreement,” she muttered, angrily. “He wanted to stop the party.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Oh well,” she said. “I don’t think Ianto was much enjoying it anyway.”

Gwen sighed. “I suppose you’re right.” She tossed the beacon at Tosh. “He’s still paying for a new pair of boots for me, though.”

Buffy and Gwen laughed.

Owen and Spike rolled their eyes.

13:38

Ianto leant back in his seat and smiled at Jack. “That,” he said, “was delicious.”

Jack smiled, happily. Between leaving the others and getting to the hub, he’d warmed a lunch he’d prepared the night before and lit some candles. It was mushy, he knew, but he wanted romance. “I’m glad you liked it,” he said.

“What’s all this for, Jack?” Ianto asked, after a second. “Candles, fancy lunch, a ruse to help me escape the party ...”

Jack took a deep breath. “I wanted to ask you something I’ve wanted to ask now since, well, since I told you about the Year That Never Was.”

Ianto looked at him, quizzically.

“You accepted me, Ianto, for me ... you accepted my immortality without question, you even accepted that I am capable of having a child, you forgave me for leaving you for so long, accepted that I was once a conman, and you even forgave me for what happened to Lisa.”

Ianto swallowed at that, pushing back the memories.

“You’ve accepted more about me than anyone else ... ever. Even the Doctor never accepted me the way you did. I won’t tell you I love you more than anyone else in my life because you know that’s not true; I love you as much as everyone I have ever loved and in a different way.”

Ianto smiled, softly. “I love you too.”

“But when it comes down to it, I want to spend the rest of your life with you.” He reached out and took Ianto’s hand.

“Jack ...” Ianto said, warily.

“Ianto Jones, will you marry me?”

Ianto closed his eyes and bit his lip before answering.

“No, Jack, I’m sorry. I won’t.”