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Tags: ! public t.s. eliot picture post addicted to retail movie review you're so vain
Published : 3 months ago (Fri, 29 Aug 2008 12:10:51 PDT)
Searched: movie review
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« We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red & brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown »
"The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" T.S. Eliot
o1. My life is pretty much in tatters & it's a slo-o-ow process of rebuilding. I hate that I have allowed the actions of others affect my self-esteem (because I really need another complex, right?). Or that I've been duped once again into stupidly giving aid to the very thing that caused me such grief. Or that those whom you love best inevitably surprise you, sometimes in the worst possible way. Or worst of all, that I now realize no matter how hard I try, I may never be able to forget. But it's done & once you commit to a certain course of action there's nothing left but to see it the whole way through. Crossing my fingers that my natural tendency to leave things unfinished doesn't kick in & ruin it all. Especially since it seems so hard giving up those bad habits. I find I cling more fiercely to them, even knowing how they're killing me.
o2. I can't deal with mixed signals. Please speak plainly to me; I'm not a quick thinker. I get too excited when I finally understand. Sometimes I forget to breathe. But I swear, I'm trying my best. You need to work harder too, don't forget. Don't let my easy grin fool you; you shouldn't be allowed to get off so easy.
o3. My stupid phone service hates me, I swear. They keep charging for all these text messages I haven't received (or I get charged for blank texts) & people are asking why I'm ignoring them. I swear I'm not. AT&T just hates me & wants me to have no friends.
o4. I haven't really used my other camera, which until recently was my only one, so not much in the way of pictures this time around (just an inexcusable amount of text).
Q: What have I been up to this past two months?
A: Well. A whole lot of nothing. I've become a hermit(ess?) & the longer I remain confined within this space, the harder it is to convince myself that stepping outside once in a while is actually healthy. I mean sure, my apartment is ridiculously clean now but is that really a replacement for my sanity? Because I can't imagine this behavior is good. However most of what's happened has been less than thrilling, so it's no small wonder why I'm cranky all the time.
First off, there was my birthday. The one that will forever be remembered as the birthday where I got ditched by my date, possibly for another girl (supposedly not but who knows?). Real classy. I don't know if I believe, but whatever, I'm (mostly) over it. Then following that there was some highly suspicious behavior that turned into some backstabbing type shadiness & well .. I'm trying to get over that too. So my entire birthday month pretty much blew & all I've got to say is, next year better make up like whoa because I cannot be having that downer cloud for the rest of my birthdays. Sheee-yit man, I'm not even so difficult to please. & I really do love my birthday (the aging part I can do without).
What else? I got into a car accident which resulted in the front end of my car being completely smashed in & my airbags exploding, though thankfully I only got small burns on my hand (fucking bitch in the SUV is claiming damages even though my car is the one that's in the scrap pile). The total loss of my car is part of why I've become a recluse. Fuck you, L.A. & having to need a car in this godforsaken town. I mean, sure I can get another one .. but so far nothing has convinced to get behind the wheel again. Nuh-uh, no way buddy.
My mom flew down for a weekend because she was freaking out about my freaking out (I've never been in an accident before). That visit made me remember why we have such little contact: she makes me crazy what with her alternating between wanting to be a mom then wanting to be my best friend & also the fact she is one exhausting little person! Haha she'd kill me if she knew I called her "little" though. Plus the way we think, what we believe in are too often in total opposition. Also we just haven't been around each other long enough to build up a tolerance to those little annoying habits we've got.
I went to court which, funny enough, has been the only thing to go smoothly & without anything remarkable happening.
After that it calmed down for a little while, other than a few things I refuse to even think about because it pisses me off. Umm I was accused of sleeping with my neighbor, who happens to be two years my junior (this is important only because I have flat out refused to ever be with another guy who is younger since once was enough, thanks) & has a girlfriend. I've been in contact with a few old friends I haven't seen around in quite a while & it's nice talking to someone who has witnessed you go through your most awkward phase in life because you have to explain a lot less to them. I also found out one of my closest friends in high school moved away to Jersey of all places. Anyway, I've got so many paranoid insecurities stemming from recent events that I can't help but view every action with suspicion or turn over words to find a hidden meaning. I'm trying to get rid of this distrustful resentment I've acquired but it's hard. Otherwise I'm just reading a lot, trying to get some things done & trying to work out this horrid mess that is apparently my life.
.. Can you believe that this melodramatic rubbish was actually watered down for convenience (& so when I re-read it at some point I don't shoot myself for ever having typed it)? Ugh. Fuck (my) life man.
Anyway, I've only watched a few movies in theaters this summer, one of which was The Dark Knight. Honestly I've never been a big fan of Batman (the villains are so much cooler anyway) but this movie was pretty good. I haaaaated his voice because it was just .. so .. "I'm trying too hard, watch me screw it up!" Also Maggie Gyllenhaal kind of bugs me. I only liked her in Stranger Than Fiction & I guess when she did those ads for Agent Provocateur it was okay (ehh). I didn't catch the first film, so there were some things that I clearly missed, but it wasn't too difficult to catch up on. Anarchy is kind of hot. The last one I saw was Tropic Thunder (I watched it with guys okay?) & all I've got to say about that is: WTF Tom Cruise.
(Speaking of movies, I much rather prefer X-Men 4's Gambit [Rodrigo Santoro] to the X-Men Origins: Wolverine's Gambit [Taylor Kitsch])
Topshop Harlequin dress in grey
Vintage petticoat in black
Marc by Marc Jacobs satin bow flats in charcoal
I ordered this dress & a tee-shirt from Topshop. The shipping was a lot quicker than I expected! I love this dress to death, but have no idea where to wear it. I want to get some ridiculous platform heels for it, maybe something patent? It's lined & has a net underskirt, but I threw on a petticoat (which you can't see) for extra poof. I love me some poofy skirts. I love me some Miu Miu-esque dresses. Oh & that green thing is an old sheet I'm using so as not to get my dirty shoes on the carpet.
A new skirt (amongst other things that at some point or other I'll probably end up posting). I may be too old to wear pleated tartan skirts .. but my days as a Catholic school girl have undoubtedly warped my brain a little. Hmm this probably doesn't help me look my age. What a boo.
Camilla d'Errico's "Bird's Nest" & "Tea Party"
Received these in July I think, but I still haven't gotten them framed or anything. Ha. They've been living in their protective packaging for a whole month because I am neglectful & forgetful.
They've already come out with Series 2. Damn them.
Bought these OPI nail polishes yesterday from Ulta: Significant Other Color, Melon of Troy & Charged Up Cherry. I was tempted to get that super dark red one (I forget the name) but I've been feeling more like obnoxious colors lately (hee I'm using Charged Up Cherry today).
Things I'm obsessed with: fashion blogs (totally hooked on Chictopia), photography blogs, Flickr, updating my other blog a million times a day, online shopping.
Now I gotta go see if some bitch in the front office stole my American Apparel package. I caved & bought that shiny late night mini, which looks pretty hooker-fied, but we'll see. Note to self: NO MORE SHOPPING! |
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