im so depressed

Does anyone understand what Im going through? I refuse to go back i refuse i refuseeee... I cry day and night, and i wont stop coughing.. Ill be humiliated and tortured if i go back.. I never wanted to get this depressed in my life again.. but it happened.. and maybe dead would be better... I`ve gone through 17 years of my life humiliated and abused by my mother. i cant take the army doing the ...

newsworthy much?

... get asthma attacks almost every single time I wake up from deep sleep, maybe because my fitness is the shiz. I call myself fatass everyday but my ass is still firmly planted on my bed/couch/chair and I refuseeee to run! Oh legs how more flabby you've become! No muscle definition AT ALL. My arms are jiggly too. Fatass, please hit the gym , please run! Somehow, I dislike the gym. I much rather run...

... having candy. why why why am i so worthless and i wasnt even hungry. it was just there. i am so stupid and so worthless. and very, very fat. i feel like im gaining weight andi cant handle it. and i refuseeee to step on the scale because i am SO SCARED of what it is going to say. and im 5'9" which makes things worse because im taller and that adds to the number AHHH. i just want to go cry about ...