i've been hurt.

yay! finally, away from home.  my mom keeps asking me questions and then she gets angry at me, for no reason i stay for the weekend at my best friends place. thats gonna be good for my i think... maybe... i told an other friend about the cutting. she thinks im a fool now. =( then my diseas.. i told her about that to. she reacted normal, i believe you call it that way. my ancle hurts, soo...

ED rant

  u work,so hard.u work u work u work u plan u slack  u pick it up almost like an actual job. except with this one,u never get a break.u dont get to go "home" at the end of the day,or back to ur normal familiar routines. you never retire. u dont get to relax or feel comfortable this runs, 24/7 constant non stop. even when ur sleeping, it remains in ur dreams. a constant battle an endless ...

Butterflies... butterflies

" Kakak , only borrow books on rabbits, cats, fish and tiger k ?" "But I've already borrowed a book on spiders!" "I don't want!!!" "Why?" " Takut ." (scared) Apparently, I made him read a book on butterflies and -- let's say some pictures gross him out.  It's true by the way. Newborn caterpillars do eat their own eggshells. Here's a close-up: Here's one more... ...

existential nonsense on a humid day

i am disengaged from any sense of myself. i understand with some part of my brain that i am a human and that i am on the couch and that i have a job and may at some point have to pee. i understand that my fingers are moving quickly over small black boxes called keys and that the symbols appearing are letters that hopefully, with luck, make words. i understand that it is hotter than fuck in ...

Poem; Untitled

What is it you see in me that I can't see in myself? You hold on to me even though you're unsure. Even I'm unsure. I can't express Express the mess that I've caused I don't know what I want with us You're unsure what you want with me. What are we? What am I? What are you? What should we be? Over and over I look for the reason But am at a lost through all the hate I can't understand. Should we ...

Last Words

 I haven't died yet So stop treating me like I don't exist Still, If I ceased to live What would you say? Before, I would do anything No matter how ridiculous But with one decision Everything was changed Excluded from these conversations I withdrew myself With no one caring One day, I really will cease to exist When that day comes, what will be my last words? "I hate who I've become?" "When I'...

i hate that i dont hate you. it makes letting go of you so much harder.. this isnt fair. why cant i feel this comfortable being myself with anyone else??

return to where you came from//i am strong and i am proud

i came from a small secluded space and i lived there for nine months of my life then i was brought into this.. place. 15 years have passed and i feel so much older than that but im not. i experienced something i shouldn't have until i am much older but now i think it was totally worth it because if it didn't happen i wouldnt be at the level of knowledge i am today.. but i dont know if i was ...

I torture myself.

I torture myself with thoughts of you- browsing through pictures of smiles and laughter, reading letters and such of the moments we shared. I torture myself with hopes that you will walk through the door and smile that beautiful smile, hold me close to you then tell me you love me. I torture myself with the memories we share. But all I can do now is shed a tear for those moments of truth, our ...

i kno people always say that things have to get worse before they can get better...but seriosuly how much worse can things get? yea...i've pretty much taken all i can handle and for things to get any worse...well i dont kno how i could possibly handle anymore *For awhile I was cleaner than now Then I started to destroy myself With things that I love now the things that I hate Until it finally ...