Recent read comment--why does a story not work?

...and disappear. In this story the mother, Starshine (do you suppose everyone has...her father and despises her mother. I do not particularly buy her ... Corinna doesn't really care whether she finds the old hippie,... spoiled turnip stew (sustaining, but not palatable, food.) They're crazy all right but they're not exactly threatening. There's another ... why this story doesn't work for me: the stakes are ...

Not Quite Sabine [KH/Greek Mythology, Hades/Persephone, R]

... in which the Fates argued whether it would be more amusing if... shoulder. Theseus sighed. He did not like this. The gnawing of ... wine pitcher looked heavy, might work as a bludgeon... there were ... that, because it simply was not possible that Pirithous was that ...to call it 'revenge of the mother-in-law' but Seph encourages ... waiting for an explanation, but not judging them... yet. Persephone tapped ...

manga and mystery, yes again

...a host of suspects, Sheila's cold fish mother, Rogelio, Anna's own ecoterrorist boyfriend (which .... Even when her own accidental fall might not be accidental, she tells no one of the...just committed a major felony. I'm still not really sure why Barr's work is so popular. Fairy Tail #3 by... dreamer with his usual indifference to whether or not the dream ends well (it appears to be tastier for the ...

Michael Jackson is dead (this is a bad thing).

... (like the aforementioned chick I work with) who worshipped the ground I...had a bad relationship with her mother, and has always wanted a baby...and thousands of lives but was not addressed by Fawcett or her handlers...fall in love with songs, and whether they become homeless drifters or ... lot of people, but probably not sexually, though I can't ... fact that mine doesn't work right is horribly disturbing to ...

dreams

...things that I need to work on. There are several people...a good growth experience, although not in the way I expected...was to control my drinking.....not to drink alcohol each evening...a group as to whether or not this person should be...I wasn't Miranda's mother but I was in fact...some background....in real life (not dream world), Jarrett is my...powers (I promise....I have NOT been watching Charmed...lol.  I...

Prologue End - Chapter 1

...”, Kazuya winced. “Can we please not talk about it?” “Sure, Kazu-chan... this doesn’t work that way.” At least not this time ... something”, Kazuya said. “I’m not good at playing”, Jin scratched ... of being abusive. Jin hesitated whether he should ask Kazuya about ... by and suddenly Kazuya’s mother knocked on the door, telling ... anyone noticing. Dangerous predators could work as teachers and no one ...

Internet Identity Crisis means: You get more to do list activity

... or likable or appreciated or appreciable. Not sure how much I want to ... the arrangements. Ian talked with his mother, and she said he shouldn't...feel a little conflicted as to whether we should go, but really this...neutered and LoJacked tomorrow, poor sweeties! Not sure what to expect from ... innie-outie carwash," as my mother calls it, had the emissions ... in. Then perhaps I can work on my dress for the ...

... is huge, and the congregation... not. I don't know how...interpretation of the Bible, with mother-father God and all, which...the answer as to whether or not this church is right...nearly had a panic attack. Not an auspicious beginning. >.> When I...step aside and let God work through us, because God is...like other people. (As my mother once told me, I'll...when I realize I'm not like other people. *wry smile...

More Draco in Willowholme crackfic

...Library and Community Servicing , in which not everybody is happy about the ... German sausage was Schuldig’s not mine.” Weasley spluttered. Draco waved ...I told you,” she said, “the mother’s ruin only comes out ... he wasn’t quite sure whether to be aroused or livid.... hold of conversational purchase. “Why not?” said Jenny. “As far as ... the details of Draco’s work schedule to Ms Mackenzie discretion,”...

'Splaining to Do

... Circle, 286) Fortunately, Exedore does not die during this incident, and...took, the pink-haired Lantas mother-henning them, here on Earth...He wears a human uniform (whether the Robotech Defence Force or...The sizing chamber would never work again. The Zentraedi miners, Breetai...to being respectable. Zentraedi may not be stereotypical Proud Warrior Race...me, even if that’s not where he originated from. To...