I'm not really sure how I missed this

... church discouraged participation in things like Brownies and Girl Scouts. Instead, the Assemblies of God has Missionettes. Brownies with Jesus. We got merit badges for doing things like memorizing (and reciting) all of First Corinthians 13. Because Brownies is good and all, but Missionettes is so much more supportive of your kid's spiritual development. The church is probably ...