stray mind after all

the horror of hearing our comparison i know i do a lot of things that i surely dont wanna tell them but i haven't anything as demoralizing, as sleazy as what she's been doing it hurts that they see me that way well i guess i am guilty but i can never ever take being compared to someone like her Our being "astray" is different in so many levels i honestly hate her for what she did ...

heads without faces, seen in all the places

to go mad, to suicide or to continue? sitting here now is  ridiculously perfect: there's  nothing to compare it  with.  a palsied past and a short  future. on days like this  one can be depressed by  the message in a fortune cookie. November creeps in on all fours like a leper. there still might be a place for us  somewhere.  it's not the doing it's the waiting.  it's not the waiting it's ...

ends and odds

Suicide seems different if you imagine you're killing someone else inside you. besides you. It's not time for him to go, but he's going. Symptoms in a state of crisis. Everythings so blurry in the moment i dont remember half of it unless i try really hard and that scares me. i know i should be feeling what im doing it just keeps looking prettier in retrospect. Sometimes support doesnt change ...

I am updating now at 11.15am. and it's considered pretty early. the radio is playing chinese new year songs every now and den, make me so into the xin-nian-kuai-ler-wan-shi-ru-yu mood. hahaha. oh and my saturday was really enjoyable i would say. Met up with reb ming and long and trained down to downtown. had a short camwhoring session with reb before the bbq officially begins and when ppl starts...

ok so tis tmrw already eek

... that is ..  so ill get to work  see her get out of the car and there  shel go inside and then turn on him? i doubt it   i feel like i shouldnt bother  but if i dont then he will just eep doingit , im all butterflies and yuk i feel sick an i diont even wanna go and se him.. and yet  i am all against women being appressed ansd the like  yet  i ont wanna do it .. i feel like im being put on the ...

i don't know what to do anymore

so i woke up crying this morning i want to punch walls and scratch myself open i'm just so angry about everything and nothing helps we saw "wristcutters: a love story" yesterday and it affected me in the way that eternal sunshine did just so overwhelmingly sad but underneath, the thought that people that are meant for each other always somehow end up together and i just wanted to cry and cry ...

All-Clear: Sun is shining, again!

Okay, okay, bad mood's over! :) There isn't really a change, but there are some things to which I can look forward to. The best one I'd love to scream out, I won't tell you at this time. It must stay a secret until the process has gone further. But then..... The next days there are some happenings. I'm going to learn bondage. It's high time, because always if I want to do a bondage shoot, I ...