.... Why do I do this to myself? and my body?  Poor thing, probably has no idea of what it is supposted to be doing...and the purging. Ugh, it is beyond vulgar but at times I feel completely controless to it. I feel I am punishing myself for making bad decisions of what I have just put into my body. Why cant I just program myself to elliminate those decsions before they are ever made, or acted out. ...

No care

...I cannot forget.  Most of my thoughts for my future self are entwined with hopeless passion and dreams that cannot be fullfilled.  My heart aches with a pain I have not felt.  A discovery in suffering.  The shallow, controless self has consumed me and I am a slave to my impulses.  The world is suffocating me; I drown in a pool of heartache.  My mouth hurts to smile.  I feel no joy in joy.  Even in...

Well today was pretty much a disgust.

I binged and purged today. Fucking twice. TWICE.... In the same hour! What the hell was I thinking? God I feel so stupid and disgusting. I prolly end up doing it again tonight... As long as that tuna casserole is in the fridge I might as well consider it done. Wow... I am so... controless. If that's even a friggen word. Sincerely, Kendra