1. I am rapidly approaching my "FUCK OFF MOTHERFUCKER! I have knives you don't know about and you'll never know I'm coming 'til you feel my blade in your fucking lung!" stage of the holiday season. Also known as "Don't fuck with the motherfucker cause this motherfucker fucks back" stage, which uses the word "fuck" at a higher "real word to fuck ratio" than most things I say beyond the profanity palindrome which goes, "fuck fuckity fucking fucker fucked shit fucked fucker fucking fuckity fuck". And yes, each and every fuck in this post is NEEDED because it is therapeutic as all hell. As you know, I only use swearing if it has some kind of justification to the narrative. You can't just go saying fuck for no good reason.

2. I got a box from sdaisyk today. It was sitting in snow and the box got wet. The present however is in tact and undamaged.

3. The following people need to watch their postboxes/front porches... sdaisyk, smallish box. thewayne, should just be a large envelope. ciarrainic, smallish envelope. silveradept, a box via UPS, and another box with an unknown sender because Holly decided it was fester to have them send it right to you and I suspect she maybe right. If this stuff doesn't arrive before Buddha Day, I apologies. I've done all I can.

4. Fancy claims she sent out a bunch of cards. The cards are gone, the stamps are gone, I can only assume she's telling the truth.

5. At this point, if you didn't get a card or a disc in the mail then I don't have your address.

6. I still have some things that I need to do. Most of these things are not secret. I need to get some foodstuffs together, get some skin cream, perform the ancient Rite of AshkEnte, pick up strangelilkitty when her flight gets in, wrap a couple more gifts, prepare a few things for Sunday and Tuesday, pick up some firewood, then there are the actual Sunday and Tuesday meals in and of themselves.

7. I haven't forgotten you Santa. We're still on, but I see no point in starting until you've prepared yourself. I will not have your little elves claiming that I didn't give you ample time to make yourself ready. When I stencil the word "PWND" on your head, I want everyone to know I did it fairly.

8. “No, what we need to do is drink a lot and dance with girls!” -- Ford Prefect.

9. I’ve only read one holiday book this December. Most of the movies I reviewed for retroflix were reviewed in November so I’d have them all ready for this month so I haven’t really seen them either. I have been sort of idly listening to the music though, which reminds me about an error I made. I said in this post that I have 135 holiday albums, which isn't exactly true. Things like Winter Solstice and Celtic Christmas (Among others) have multiple albums in their sets, but I just call them all one album and label them as separate CDs in itunes under one banner. So it's more like 150 albums or so. It comes out to 1644 songs anyway, and would take about 4 days solid to listen to just my holiday music. The point is, I probably have more than you... and a problem. Strangely though, there are girls who want to kiss me.

10. I still have that same headache. I’ll be okay though.