1. in which someone complains about something that's free

it was a lazy tranquil day until about 12:30 PM, when clerk dave ran upstairs to report that our sound system wasn't working - very bad when you're scheduled to show a movie at 1 PM. so i went downstairs with him to investigate, where we discovered that our 15+ year old setup is pretty much boned. alas, i had to cancel the movie (yay for having executive powers, though).

amy: i'm sorry everyone, but our speakers are dead and we'll have to cancel.
old bat who eats enough free snacks for five people: this is disappointing, i don't think i'll come here again. *mumble mumble*
old dude who comes to all the movies because i think he's really bored: so it's cancelled, then?
amy: yes sir, i'm sorry.
old bat: you really should have someone come in early to check this stuff.
amy: well, we've been working on this for 45 minutes now. there's nothing else we can do.
old bat: but you should check it in the morning!
amy: i'm sorry ma'am, but we're doing the best we can.

what i really wanted to say was, "well, we could pay someone to come in earlier, but then we wouldn't have money for snacks. and how about you empty that purse before you leave, too?"

2. in which amy is too literal

amy reads customer's shirt: diamonds are nice and so are pearls/but nothing beats pittsburgh girls.
amy thinks: pipe wrench, hockey stick, 2x4, baseball bat, lead pipe, sledgehammer, candlestick, bag of oranges....